Begin Again
by teamdemonmonkey
Summary: When Detective Kate Beckett meets her favorite author at a private book signing, there's undeniable chemistry. But things just aren't meant to be after a serious misunderstanding between the two. What is she going to do when he turns out be a suspect in a murder case years later? And is it too late to set things right? Caskett. Canon.
1. What I Wanted To Say

**Okay, so big day for me. Publishing two new fics within sixteen hours of each other. I must be crazy. But I've had this little idea for a while. And then I've had the drafts of it for almost as long. It was time. Besides, gotta love me some Beckett/Castle goodness. Especially when it changes your perspective of the tv show!**

**So, since I haven't published in this fandom yet, let me say that all my fics are inspired by a song. And each chapter is the same. So the song for this story is Begin Again by Colbie Caillat. **

**The song for this chapter is What I Wanted To Say by Colbie Caillat. I like her. She won't be my only artist. **

**Connect with me!  
Twitter: teamdemonmonkey  
Facebook: teamdemonmonkey fanfiction**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or its characters. But the day that I own Nathan Fillion (in any character role)… that'll be a good day. **

Chapter One: What I Wanted To Say

There were one hundred women in the room with him. Of those one hundred women, two were related to him, one was an ex-wife and forty eight were married. Twenty were old enough to be his mother. Nineteen were young enough to either by his daughter or send him to jail. That left ten potential women for him to flirt with unashamedly. He'd gotten numbers from nine of them and the last one was just about to come sit with him.

Richard Castle was by no means a womanizer. He had the deepest respect for them, treated them like queens. But after two failed marriages, he had pretty much given up on the idea that he would ever find a functional, serious relationship. So that left him free to bounce between women, pretending to enjoy life and live to the fullest.

"Who should I make it out to," he asked with a charming smile as a copy of _A Raging Storm_ was set in front of him.

"Kate," a quiet voice said. He looked up and his flirty compliment died on his lips. She was beautiful. Her caramel colored hair was past her shoulders, her green eyes bright with excitement.

And yet…

There was a sorrow in her eyes, a deep rooted pain that made them seem dulled. She was smiling shyly and Castle realized that if she smiled genuinely, he would be done for. Unlike most of the women in the room, she was dressed conservatively in jeans and a white t-shirt with a black leather jacket. Not showy or provocative and yet unbelievably sexy. She was unbelievably sexy.

"Kate," he said, finding his voice. "Please have a seat," he said, standing and pulling her chair out for her. She sat and he scrambled into his chair. "So what can I do for you, Kate," he asked. She blushed.

"I really just wanted my book signed," she admitted.

"Well, since you have me for another eight minutes and thirty seven seconds," he said checking his watch dramatically. She chuckled and Castle found himself smiling in response.

"Well, um, okay," she said, looking around, trying to come up with something to ask him. He waited for her to ask one of the cliché questions.

"How is your daughter," she asked finally and he paused, not expecting that.

"She's… um, she's good. She's here actually. After this is over, we're going to our house in the Hamptons for the summer. It's a tradition of ours."

"That sounds really nice. I'm sure she's happy that school is over. I usually go to my dad's cabin but I'm working this summer."

"That's too bad. What do you do?"

"I'm a police officer. I work in Vice." Smart, sexy and tough. This woman was getting more intriguing by the minute.

"A cop, huh? What exactly does a Vice officer do?"

"We're plainclothes. We deal mostly in drugs and morality crimes. We do a lot of long term investigations."

"That sounds like kind of a dangerous job," he said after a minute.

"It has its moments but I love that I bring justice to some people."

"You have a strong sense of justice? Interesting. Why is that?" Kate's eyes lost the light of excitement and she looked down at the book and Castle's eyes followed. It was an older copy, hardcover, though the binding was coming apart in places and he saw that chunks of pages had come loose. The cover was battered and it was obviously a well read piece of literature.

His literature.

He realized this was obviously something deeply personal and painful, so he bent over, picking up his pen and carefully opened the book. He paused for a moment and then began to write in the book. When he was finished, he gently closed the book, rested his hand over it briefly and then handed it to Kate.

"Listen, Kate, I was wondering if you would have dinner with me tonight?" Kate froze, eyes locked on him. He watched as she began to breathe heavier before standing.

"Um, that's really, um nice. But I have to go. I have a case, an important one. But thank you. And thank you for this, for signing this. It was really nice to meet you, Mr. Castle."

"Please, call me Rick," he said standing, trying to think of something he could say to make her change her mind.

"O-okay, Rick. Um, I'm just going to… yeah. Goodbye." She turned on her heel and walked out the door, leaving him standing there, staring after her.

"Who was that," Alexis asked walking up beside him.

"I don't know. But I want to."


	2. Keep Breathing

**So I know these beginning chapters are pretty short. I apologize. Originally the entire beginning was supposed to be a prologue thingy. But I liked it better as chapters. **

**So second chapter in less than twelve hours! Woohoo! Glad you guys are liking it thus far!**

**The song for this chapter is Keep Breathing by Ingrid Michaelson.**

**Connect with me!  
Twitter: teamdemonmonkey  
Facebook: teamdemonmonkey fanfiction**

**Disclaimer:****I don't own Castle or its characters. But the day that I own Nathan Fillion (in any character role)… that'll be a good day. **

Chapter Two: Keep Breathing

Once Kate had escaped outside, she leaned against the brick wall on the side of the bookstore and threw her head back, relishing in the hardness on her skull, grounding her after her unsettling encounter with her favorite author. She was alarmed at how easily he disarmed her, how quickly his smile made her weak and overheated. He was trouble plain and simple and she could not afford to let herself get distracted by him. She couldn't afford to let him too close, not after…

She opened up her book as means of distraction. It was her mother's. It was her favorite book and she had read it at least once every six months. After her death, Kate had read it almost as much. She had chosen this book, despite its tattered condition and the fact that she owned three copies of it, because she felt like it would help her feel closer to her mother. She didn't count on how hard it would be to share something so personal with Rick. The gentle manner in which he had held her book, the soft way he closed it, made her feel like he understood her pain, her loss.

She looked down at the inscription and began to read it slowly, eyes clouding with tears.

_Kate,_

_The Tibetans have a saying: "Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength." _

_I can tell that you have experienced tragedy. But I fully believe the Tibetans because having only talked to you for a few minutes, I believe that you are the strongest person I have ever had the privilege to meet. _

_Stay strong, Kate. Keep bringing justice to those who deserve it. _

_Richard Castle_

Kate crumpled to the ground, holding the book to her chest, tears streaming from her eyes, sobs wrenching from her throat. She saw every moment of her mother's murder flash before her. The officer coming to tell her that her mother had been stabbed in an alley, her funeral, the case files, her father's alcoholism. Every moment bombarded her, reducing her to a shaking, sobbing mess. She tried to stifle her sobs with her and but couldn't stop herself.

"Kate?" She barely registered the voice until suddenly she found herself in someone's arms. She fought it at first but after the unrelenting strength, she just melted into whoever was holding her, unable to stop the overwhelming grief that was paralyzing her. She felt hands rubbing her back soothingly and a familiar voice murmuring soothing platitudes in her ear.

Rick.

She told herself to stop crying, to pull herself together. But it took several minutes for her to calm herself down, to shut away the emotions that were threatening to engulf her. When she finally calmed down, she waited a few moments, breathing in Rick's scent, masculine and like the best cologne. His arms were warm and firm around her, his chest hard and solid against her cheek. Finally she pushed herself away gently and Castle let her. He was kneeling in front of her, eyes worried and mouth drawn.

"Hey," he said quietly, mouth half cocked in a smile. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"I'm… I'm fine. I just…," she stopped herself as she felt the tears threaten to overtake her again. "Your inscription was… moving. Truly. I just got overwhelmed. I'm fine, really I'm-"

"Fine, I know," Castle said with a hint of skepticism in his voice. "But I don't think you are. Please, Kate, let me do something for you. It's the least I can do after making you cry," he said winningly and Kate had to admit that she was sorely tempted by his offer. He was sweet and funny and while yes, he flirted unashamedly with every woman he met, she was pleased he seemed so determined to try and cheer her up.

"Okay," she said finally.

"Really," he asked, surprised by her acceptance.

"Really. I'd love to have dinner with you tonight."

"Great," he exclaimed and then softened his voice sheepishly. "How about Le Cirque at seven? I can pick you up if you'd like."

"No, that's okay. I'll meet you there." He grinned and she felt herself dragged into his smile and reciprocating.

"I'll see you at seven then," he said, turning away from her reluctantly to walk to the black town car waiting for him where she could see two heads of red hair peering through the windows. "Bye, Kate."

"See you, Rick." He got into the car and closed the door. She stood against the brick wall and sighed.

What had she gotten herself into now?


	3. What I Like About You

**Chapter three! Yay! Glad you guys like this so far! I am so happy!**

**The song for this chapter is What I Like About You. You can choose either the Romantics or Lillix. It's up to you. I like them both. **

**Connect with me!  
Twitter: teamdemonmonkey  
Facebook: teamdemonmonkey fanfiction**

**Disclaimer: ****Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or its characters. But the day that I own Nathan Fillion (in any character role)… that'll be a good day. **

Chapter Three: What I Like About You

She had no reason to be nervous. No reason. This wasn't a date. Just dinner. _Only_ dinner. She shouldn't be worrying about what to wear or how to style her hair. She was going to go, enjoy great food, participate in somewhat intelligent conversation, say goodbye and go home.

No big deal.

Except it was a big deal. It wasn't just dinner. It was dinner with Richard Castle. _Richard Castle_. Only her most favorite author still alive. Only the man who's books helped her through her mother's murder and her father's alcoholism. Her hands were shaky, her heart was hammering in her chest and her stomach felt like it was the home of the scene in Lord of the Rings when the Eagles appear and fight the Fell Beasts.

Oh God, what if she said something as nerdy as that at dinner?

She forced herself to calm down, taking deep breaths. But as she pawed through her closet, she began to start stressing again. The only drawback to not having a social life was that when duty called, she lacked the necessary supplies. Like a dress.

Just as she was going to get her phone to call and cancel, her doorbell rang. When she peered through the peep hole, she breathed a sigh of relief.

"Hey Lanie," she said, opening the door.

"Girl, you have a _lot_ of explaining to do," Lanie said, striding past her with a big white box. She slipped her shoes off, shoved the box at Kate and then crossed her arms, waiting impatiently.

"What is this," Kate asked, pulling at the card on the box.

"It was leaning against the door. Now are you going to tell me why you have your date face on?"

"It's not a date," Kate replied automatically and then wincing. Lanie's eyes widened.

"You are! Who is it? Is it that accountant you met two weeks ago? Please say no because girl, you need more interesting conversation than personal loan interest rates. Seriously. Who even cares? I mean-"

"It's Richard Castle," Kate blurted. Lanie's aw dropped.

"Richard Castle? As in _the_ Richard Castle? As in the guy that you had me call my cousin who owns the bookstore that he had an even at today to get you in to see?_ That_ Richard Castle?"

"Yes. And it's not a date. It's just dinner."

"Mmhmm, sure it is. Apparently you need to tell me exactly what happened at this even today."

"Fine. I got there late, he signed my book, and we got to talking. I left after he asked me out. I went outside, I read his inscription. I started bawling. He came out and found me, insisted I go to dinner with him. And that's all. Now I'm stuck going and I don't have anything to wear!"

"Well, you haven't looked in the box," Lanie said deadpan. She hadn't. She had all but forgotten the box and the card she held in her hand. She ripped it open.

_Every princess needs a beautiful gown for a date with Prince Charming_.

"Seriously? That is just so presumptuous of…" Kate had opened the box and inside, nestled in black tissue paper was an emerald green cocktail dress. Lanie peered over her shoulder and gasped.

"Kate, you better go to dinner tonight and do everything you can to get this man to marry you," she whispered. Kate pushed her, snorting.

"Please, he is an immature, arrogant celebrity. Not my type."

"The three copies of _Raging Storm_ beg to differ."

"Why are we friends," she asked sarcastically.

"So I can help you do your hair and makeup for hot dates with your literary heroes," Lanie said, dragging her friend into the bathroom. And Kate really didn't have an argument for that logic or loyalty.


	4. Say Something

**Hello everyone! So glad y'all are enjoying this. So, I need to clarify. Um, this isn't an AU where Castle and Beckett meet earlier and are in a romantic relationship when the show starts. While it is a little AU-ish, it's really more of a what would the show be like if they had met earlier? **

**The song for this chapter is Say Something covered by Chester See. He's terrific. I'd recommend some tissues. **

**Connect with me!****  
****Twitter: teamdemonmonkey****  
****Facebook: teamdemonmonkey fanfiction**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or its characters. But the day that I own Nathan Fillion (in any character role)… that'll be a good day. **

Chapter Four: Say Something

Kate arrived outside Le Cirque with two minutes to spare. She paid her cabbie and hopped from the car, smiling at the host as he held the door open. When she mentioned Castle's name, he smiled and gestured to a table in the corner. Kate took a calming breath and made her way towards the table. As she drew closer, she noticed a girl already sitting in her seat. She was pretty-ish but couldn't have been more than sixteen and was probably closer to fourteen. She was laughing and tossing her hair around like she had some sort of twitch. As she watched, she reached up with easy familiarity and wiped at Castle's cheek.

Kate turned away from the scene and moved back towards the door, ignoring the concerned look of the host. Her chest felt like an anvil was sitting on it, trying to crush it. Her head swam and despite her best efforts she could feel traitorous tears welling in her eyes, trying to push down her cheeks. Her cheeks were red with embarrassment and she avoided making eye contact with anyone around her.

How could she have been so stupid?

Richard Castle was a player. There was rarely a week that didn't have a picture or story of him with some new flavor of the week. Why would she be any different? Did she really think that just because he wrote the books that got her through her mother's murder and her father's alcoholism, he would sweep her off her feet and they would ride off into the sunset? Castle was notoriously a 'love 'em and leave 'em' kind of guy. If she believed half the stuff she heard on the forums, he'd still be a deviant. No, he had picked her up easily because she was a fan. Only she'd wanted to picture herself as the heroine to his hero, the damsel in distress to his knight in shining armor. She was ridiculous. And she was going to pay for it.

She quickly turned and made her way out of the classy restaurant before crossing the street and pulling out her cell phone. She dialed the restaurant and asked for Richard Castle.

Castle looked around the room, desperate for a reprieve from the girl sitting in Kate's seat, trying to be provocative but coming off as twitchy. Kate should have been there. It was eight after seven.

"Mr. Castle," the host said, coming to his side, interrupting Tiffany or Tracy or whatever her name was from her thrilling tale about her best friend stealing her boyfriend. "You have a telephone call."

"Excuse me," he said abruptly to the girl and followed him to the house phone. "Castle," he said into the receiver.

"Rick, um, hi. It's Kate. Listen, I'm really sorry but I guess I ate something bad today. I'm feeling rotten. I'm going to have to cancel our dinner." Rick's heart dropped.

"Can I bring you anything? Ginger ale? Saltines? Cheesy, emotional, romantic comedies?" A sound like a car door slamming came over the phone before she spoke. He frowned.

"No, I'm good. I'm really sorry."

"No problem," he said. "Just get better okay?"

"Sure thing. Bye." The line when dead and Castle put the phone down, disappointment filling him. He glanced back at the dining room where the girl at his table was tapping away at her phone. He turned, walked out the door and stopped dead when he saw Kate across the street. She was in the dress he bought her, her hair left down and curled tastefully. Before he could get over his chock and confusion and call out to her, she wiped away tears from her face and climbed into a cab.

She was here! Why had she left? Why had she lied about being sick? She'd stood him up! She chickened out. Or was she just playing with him? Had she said yes with the intention of not showing up? Rick so very rarely met anyone who intrigued him. His life was filled with doting fans but it wasn't very often that he met a fan who challenged him. He had questioned himself today and that was something he'd only come to expect from his daughter. Kate had opened up his world. She was intelligent, sexy, charming and classy. She was tough, strong, capable. He'd known her all of ten minutes and already he could feel her invading his thoughts. So why had she lied about being sick?

And why was she crying?


	5. White Horse

**So I need to clarify, my impatient little doves. A lot of you were upset about Castle entertaining this girl at the table. It was going to be explained later but I will lay your fears to rest now so that you don't have hellhounds come drag me away. Castle is famous. And playboy Castle has a reputation of being friendly. This girl just came and sat down across from him and you know Castle is too polite to say 'get lost'. He was waiting for Kate to show up so that this chick would leave. Haven't you guys ever had someone who literally will NOT take a hint or leave you alone? (I have. It's awkward.) This will all be explained later by Castle and obviously, he's not some two timing douche. And for those of you upset about Kate crying and walking away, this chapter will explain all that. **

**The song for this chapter is White Horse covered by Jess Moskaluke.**

**Connect with me!****  
****Twitter: teamdemonmonkey****  
****Facebook: teamdemonmonkey fanfiction**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or its characters. But the day that I own Nathan Fillion (in any character role)… that'll be a good day. **

Chapter Five: White Horse

"What happened," Lanie asked quietly, pouring Kate another glass of wine. Kate sniffed through her tears.

"I got to the restaurant and I went to sit with him and there was already someone in my seat." Lanie's glass froze on its way to her lips.

"Are you serious?" Kate laughed humorlessly.

"Yeah. And get this: she can't have been more than sixteen. I'd even peg her closer to fourteen."

"Gross! Are you sure he was with her?"

"They were talking and then she reached over and wiped at his cheek and he didn't stop her."

"And it wasn't his daughter?"

"No. It was definitely not his daughter. It was disgusting, Lanie. I mean he passed me over for… for… Jailbait!"

"Oh, Jailbait; I like that! Yeah, I'm calling her that." Kate giggled and then sighed.

"I feel so humiliated. I mean, first I break down in an alley and bawl my eyes out and then I put myself out there and agree to go to dinner with him only to have him try to two time me with Jailbait. What was his game? Was it to play me? To hurt me? Does he do this all the time?" The wine was definitely kicking in.

"Oh sweetie, I don't think that's what it was. I'm sure this is just a whole misunderstanding."

"No, Lanie. It's not like I think he'd actually do anything with Jailbait. It's more that she was in my seat, that he didn't have her leave. And even if it wasn't anything more than that, I agreed to go to dinner with him because he broke through my walls, Lanie. All these walls that I built after my mom's murder and my dad's addiction have protected me from having to get attached, to feel. And he ruined them. I mean h-h-he got me to c-care!" Kate sobbed into her arm. Lanie scooted closer to her friend and rubbed her back soothingly.

"Oh, Kate. I'm sorry, honey."

"I mean it wasn't enough that he s-saved me! Then he had to g-go and be all ch-charming. I wouldn't be here without him. Wh-when he asked me, I was so surprised. I was flattered, Lanie. I hoped… I hoped," she said, voice deadening by the end of her sentence.

"Katharine Beckett, you are the most wonderful, giving, kind, loyal woman I have ever met and if that blockhead doesn't realize it, then he needs to have his head checked because you are a catch. You are _the_ catch!" Kate managed to smile through her tears, wiping at her face viciously, attempting to rid her feelings as easily as she was the moisture on her cheeks.

"I'm just… I'm done, Lanie. I can't keep up with the hero worship. I appreciate what he did for me, but I can't keep living in this dream world where the man who wrote these books is a hero. He writes about heroes; it doesn't mean he is one. I'm done. Captain Montgomery told me a job in homicide finally opened up. I think I'm going to go for it. It's time for a change. It's time to move forward and try and move past what happened to me."

"You go, girl. Just don't push yourself too hard. And look, Kate, I know you're upset about what this guy pulled on you. But his books saved you. Just because you hate the author, doesn't mean you have to hate the hero."

"I won't. I will always be grateful for what Derrick Storm did for me. But it's time for me to bury my head in bringing justice to the victims. It's time to stop being the victim. And, hey, we still have ladies' night every Wednesday," Kate promised.

"Damn right we do. You try and cancel on me and so help me, I will murder you myself. And I'm an ME so I know how to get rid of a body or any proof of my involvement." Kate laughed loudly, finally dispelling the tension and heaviness of the prior moments.

"I think I'm going to cut my hair," she said thoughtfully.

"That's the wine talking," Lanie said, pouring them both another glass. "You wouldn't ever cut your hair. You like your hair."


End file.
